The alphabet sucks! I have created a replacement


Yes! It really does!

You though don't have to worry, as I have a solution for you. Read till the end to learn more!

it doesn't succ! I think it's very good

No, it's not! Think again, you loser. How dare you contradict me?
Look at how many useless letters there are - for instance, can't we just use KS instead of X? SMH.

get a life and go touch grass, you nerd!


which alphabet are you talking about?

Before we begin, I want to clarify that the alphabet I'm talking about is the (unfortunately) internationally standardized ISO basic Latin alphabet/English alphabet.

There are plenties of other (bad) alphabets out there. We have Cyrillic script; Esperanto's got its own set of characters, and so does Greek. And then you got whatever those Japanese thingies are.
Each and every one of these's got its own flaws. But today, I'm going to focus on the basic (extended) Latin alphabet mentioned above.

reasons the alphabet sucks

  1. Redundant letters: X is just KS, Y is just half a (regularly pronounced) I; it's basically another J. And English's pronunciation of letter J is just that of a soft G, BTW.
  2. Ambiguous letters: why in the world is C sometimes pronounced K (like in cat), sometimes CH (soft sound; like in chair), and sometimes S? We have loads of letters, so why not use them properly, as God intended us to?
  3. Missing letters: we have so many commons sounds that don't have a letter. These include: CH, SH, TH, whatever that second "g" sound in garage represents, and more. An ideal version of our alphabet would include characters for all of these.
  4. More than one character for the same sound: Q, K and C.
  5. Unfair enforcement: not all western languages need a "Y", or an "H", or a "W". And yet, everybody seems to accept those letters, regardless of whether the language uses them or not. Following the same principles strictly, everybody should be using Spanish character "ñ". Not so surprisingly, though, not everybody is using that letter. But having English letters in your language's alphabet, that you don't need, is perfectly fine, it seems.

looking for a solution

So, as I've already pointed out, the Latin one isn't the the only script out there.

IMO, Esperanto's very own character set does a pretty good job when it comes to assigning each sound a letter. Excluding its symbols representing sounds composed of two sub-sounds [such as C (TS sound)] (which we want to avoid: we're trying to avoid redundancy here), almost all of Esperanto's characters are a pretty good starting point for creating a new alphabet. It'll be my main reference. Yes, ladies and gents. Today, I'm going to craft a brand new alphabet for you and you only.

Oh, also, I'm going to introduce a new way of creating consonant clusters and the like. X, for example, is not just KS. It's K+S, basically KS pronounced really quickly. So getting rid of X means having to look for a way of telling readers that there's some sort of letter combination going on.

say hello to Alfabet 2.0 (Engliŝ ediŝon)

Creative Commons License
Alfabet 2.0 by mirk0dex is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License .
Based on a work at

Here it is:
Normal characters : A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Replasements : A B K (as in cat); T-Ŝ (for CH, as in chair); S (for the S sound) D E F G (as in guts) H I D-J (normal sound); J (French sound, as in garage) K L M N O P K W (or R) S T U V W K-S Y Z

The whole thing looks a little bit like this:

Aa Bb Dd Ee Ff Gg Hh Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nm Oo Pp (Rr) Ss Ŝŝ Tt Ðð Uu Vv Ww Yy Zz

Red: characters representing a new sound; Bold: new characters.

NOTE: S can never be Z. So, instead of saying memorise, you're going to have to use memorize - sorry, Bri'ish mates.

Az you kan see, ðere's no more C, X.

I know it might sound kwinge, but let's be honest hewe: R and W awe pwetty mutŝ ðe same in Engliŝ, uwu. So you kan uze R if you want to, but I don't pewsonally wekommend doing so (because redundancy).

By now you pwobably have alweady notised ðat ðere is no lettew fow CH ow fow ðe old J (soft G) sound. Ðat is bekause you kan now wepwezent ðese uzing my "read quickly" marker: -.

Instead of june, you now kan uze d-june. Boð lettews on hyfens/dashes' ends awe to be wead mowe kuikly ðan oðers - OK I'll stop. Sorry for wasting your time.

Thanks for reading today's journal entry of me going nuts. If you enjoyed, please consider so I can pay my rent. I think I have sucessfully fixed the alphabet BTW. You're welcome.

I challenge you guys to use this alphabet for 24 hours - I bet you'll lose it before you even start. Good luck!